The ups and downs.

I have an interview coming up next week! Finally! Well, technically it's the second interview, which makes it even better! Things are slowly starting to fall together. I had these unrealistic goals for myself and when I think back on them now, they sure do seem crazy! But now that I have something promising, I can't help but being so excited; although, I am trying not to get hopes up because it is the worst feeling to think that something is happening and being let down. Through my major, one of the best pieces of advice I learned it that in PR, you have to have thick skin and be able to hear "no" and "it's not right" or "re-do it" just because your superior doesn't like it. After hearing that and knowing that there is nothing I would rather be doing, I made a huge change in myself and I can hear the word no without a problem; but I want this so badly, a no would be crushing. I have such huge plans and goals for myself and I was hoping to be farther along with that goal. I know I have been in California for just over two months and that is not much time to expect as much as I was for myself. I hear the same advice, the same expectations and words of wisdom. Finding a job and growing up now is so much different than it was just 5 years ago. Life is unpredictable and I am giving it all I have. I am exhausted and worn out but I wouldn't take any of it back. Things would have been easier and less complicated if I would have done what was convenient, routine, or comfortable. But where's the fun or thrill in that? My life is so much more than routine and I refuse to get stuck in a routine.
As much as I am looking forward to this interview and secretly hoping that it goes well and I land the position, I will not flaunt my excitement. Things happen for a reason and when you fail at one thing, it is because there is something better. I know that I am still young and growing and learning. I am figuring out who I am, what I want/need and what is best for me. Even though I know what some of those things are for certain, there are other things that will continuously change throughout my life. I have to take one day at a time and never expect too much but also believe in myself. Setting unrealistic goals will almost always lead to disappointment. Set your goals to be achievable and when you exceed more, it will be much more rewarding. Hope for the best, expect the worst, know you are capable of anything.
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end."

When the going gets tough...

The tough get going... Or so they say (whoever "they" is). We all make choices in life, whether they are big or small, they define who we are. You have the small daily choices and the big decisions that come rarely, but those big events that come to us every once in a while are the things that truly test who we are and what we can withstand. I feel like I have had to make a lot of big decisions recently that have tested me emotionally, spiritually and even physically in the not so literal sense. I moved my entire life to a new place that I have known for more than a couple weeks at a time. In that move I left huge parts of myself behind. I've never felt so alone. I left friends, family and the person I love all in the hope to make a better life for not only myself, but for that man as well. I'm trying to start things for myself so when he gets here, things will be easier and we won't be going through the same hardships simultaneously. Whether I made the right choice at that moment is still unknown and only time will tell if it is. For everything that I believe in and hope for I want nothing more than for this decision that I am constantly accepting and battling to be the right one. Life will throw us horrible things sometimes and how we choose to deal with them will separate the fighters from the people who choose the easy path that end up unhappy because they decided to give up on what could have been. I am a fighter. I will give my all. I will succeed.
Nothing I have had to deal with in my life so far has been this difficult but I know that because of this I will be a stronger and better person. I do believe that love conquers all. True love will fight and will survive. In all honesty I believe that what I have now will survive. There are feelings that are indescribable in the best way possible. I am working for us and to make this easier for him when he does finally get here also. It's hard to understand from the outside looking in, but from the inside looking out, there is nothing I would rather be doing because I know in my heart this is what I want. We make our own happiness and I need to remember that. I am doing now what will make me happiest later. Although there is sadness now, happiness will be the final result.
With a part-time job to make some money now and an interview coming up, things are finally starting to look up. I keep going through every day with my chin up and an optimistic outlook, because if we don't have faith in ourselves, what do we have faith in? Things will work out for me, for us, because whatever He has in store for me, I know it is what is meant to be. Even though now is hard, it is because He knows that I can handle the hard times and can make it through this. Keep fighting. Stay strong. Never give up.